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Into My Manic Mind
I sat back on a chair, while President Watson and Dr. Luo went into another room to talk. Screaming for Dawn must have sparked my memory of a time I teased her and a friend at a youth camp one night over a year earlier. With visions of myself hiding in the bushes and scaring the girls as they walked by, I started doing my back of the throat growling sound at the elders who surrounded me. It scared them badly, but they didn't run away.
"My eyes are turning yellow!" I suddenly declared to Elder Hinds. He nodded his head. "You don't have truth!" I said with frustration. Turning to Elder Shumway I asked, "Did you hear me?"
Yes," he replied with hesitation.
"What is truth?" I quizzed him further.
"Um, truth is that your eyes are turning yellow?" he guessed.
"Yes!" I shouted.
There was a long silent pause.
"Well?" I asked with raised eyebrows.
Suddenly the light clicked on in Elder Hind's mind. "Truth is you need to take a leak!"
"Thank you, God!" I prayed.
The three elders led me to a restroom and pushed me into a stall. I remember looking down at the toilet and thinking, "Why do I see water? I need baptism!" I stuck my hand in the toilet and started splashing the water on myself. When I realized I couldn't be immersed I started banging my head on the walls of the stall. Elder Hinds came in and asked what was wrong. "The font is too small," I said, bursting into tears.
"It's not a font, it's a toilet," he explained. "You pee in it."
I didn't get it. "Can you help me?" I asked, thinking he could baptize me. Elder Hinds reached over to help me undo my pants. "Ni zai gan ma? (What are you doing?)" I screamed. Thinking he was the devil trying to trick me into taking my pants off so he could molest me, I fought and struggled with him violently. After we nearly knocked the stall over, Elder Hinds finally yelled, "God wants you to pee in this toilet."
"Oh," I replied coolly, letting go of him and undoing my pants. The relief felt so good that as I went I let out a long and loud sigh, followed by a prayer of gratitude.
They took me back to the holding room. A few minutes later President Watson and Dr. Luo came back. When I saw President Watson walk in, I thought he had come to escort me to Jesus. Icy fear filled my heart with the impulsive thought that in order to take me there, he first had to kill me. As he approached, without warning I jumped up and kicked him as hard as I could-right between the legs where I knew it would hurt him the most. I remember seeing him double over and fall to the floor. The elders tried to get a hold of me to settle me down, but I danced around the room kicking anyone who got close. Finally, someone got hold of me. They all piled on. They held me down while Dr. Luo gave me another injection, which still wasn't enough to knock me out.
By this time they decided I needed help available at a hospital three hours north, in the city Taipei. They pulled me outside and tried to get me into the car. I utterly refused to get in. The three of them fought with all their might. I scrambled, scratched, kicked and clawed. In my mind, the car represented an escort to heaven-my hearse. I fought as if my life depended on it.
Discouraged, they sat me down on a nearby motorcycle and forced some pills into my mouth that Dr. Luo had given them. I remember the choking feeling of bitter powder. Then water splashed into my mouth and I was able to swallow.
They turned for a moment to open the car door and try again. When I saw they weren't looking, I tried to run away. Elder Beard grabbed for me and caught my belt. I lunged forward, ripping out some of the belt loops. This gave Elder Hinds enough time to grab hold of my arm. In the struggle that followed, the belt was ripped completely off my pants.
After more effort and struggle, and finding it impossible to get me into the car, they pulled me back into the hospital. In the holding room I began thrashing and screaming again. It took all four of them, one elder on each arm, President Watson sitting on my waist and one elder holding my legs, to keep me still enough for Dr. Luo to give me an intravenous injection.
The last thing I remember of that moment is thrashing my head back and forth screaming in Chinese and English for Jesus and Dawn to save me.
The "monster tranquilizer," as Elder Shumway recorded in his journal, finally put me to sleep-for several days. They carried me out to the car and drove through the night in an attempt to avoid morning traffic in Taipei.
Although the journals and memories of those involved all say I awoke after a day or so, my memories are very clouded. The next thing I remember is waking up in a bed in a very small and dark room. I opened my eyes and saw a strange man sitting on the bed. When he saw me looking at him, he smiled and said, "I'm President Horner. I'll be staying with you while President Watson gets everything ready for you to go home."
"Oh," I said and fell back asleep.
